“This is the first presidential election I have ever been interested in,” my husband said to me this morning.
You know what that means, I had to explain the complicated electoral college and popular vote, and all of the details of the voting process to a man who was born and raised in a country, where voting for representation is not a thing.
Let’s just say it was a lot of recalling American government class from high school, and a little googling because let’s face it- it doesn’t always make sense unless you’re a political analyst but even then the jargon doesn’t necessarily cross the language barrier.
One thing I did enjoy about this election season and the civics lesson, was that my husband and I were able to dissect a lot of major issues ranging from Black Lives Matter and social unrest, the economy, the way Covid-19 response differs from US and Canada, and why everyone around the world was looking at this election.
There’s a Latin phrase I love Per Ardua Ad Astra, Through Adversity to the Stars, and I believe it to be true. Resilience is the biggest opportunity we have right now. Through uncertain times, it is sometimes the only thing that can fortify us.
In this moment where we stand at a precipice, where the hope of Kamala Harris’s position made the little girl in me cry and the adult women sob- hard.
As a woman and the mother of a daughter it speaks to something inside of us. As a woman of color, it speaks volumes as to where the country finds itself. In 1964, Dr. MLK gave an acceptance speech for his Nobel Prize that is reminiscent of this moment.
Another indication that progress is being made was found in the recent presidential election in the United States. The American people revealed great maturity by overwhelmingly rejecting a presidential candidate who had become identified with extremism, racism, and retrogression8. The voters of our nation rendered a telling blow to the radical right9. They defeated those elements in our society which seek to pit white against Negro and lead the nation down a dangerous Fascist path.
Let me not leave you with a false impression. The problem is far from solved. We still have a long, long way to go before the dream of freedom is a reality…”
Dr MLK, Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance speech 1964
That was 1964! Maybe we haven’t made that much progress and since Trump lost by a hair in the popular vote- means there’s so much work to do. But there is still hope the work can be done. And that’s what we can’t lose again.
Yours in Kind,
Jessy, mother of a daughter. An immigrant, wife of an immigrant. Current Rogue Mom, futurepreneur
An attempt at Spoken Word, as I lie in wait pondering this world and all its complications.
September Lullaby
Whomever you are. Be you.
The world is heartless. Unkind.
Guard your heart, never let them take your glory.
You are strong, vulnerable, courageous.
They don’t know your full story.
We could not be blind,
To the ups and downs of having a torrential kind of mind.
You scream and you slash,
Say words no one understands.
That’s ok let it out,
It’s like a walk through the badlands.
No one will judge the need
The need to scream
We’ve all been there.
Sat in our chairs
Explosive thoughts in our prayers
And wondering if it’s just us or are there others like us.
Be true to you, spout what you believe
Don’t let the world change you or who you wish to truly be.
Like they did me.
*For those with children, how do you deal with the constant worry the world will be a harder place than you ever imagined it could be? Or is it just me?
It is no small thing to appear to belong to one ethnicity or another, it can often be confusing, complicated and even traumatic because for those of mixed heritage, you never seem to fit into the mold of what you’re ethnicity is. In my case, “You’re too brown for some people and not brown enough for others.” It’s not a sentiment, for only bi-racial people, it could be for those that simply feel out of place within their own ethnicity or nationality. It’s a precarious thing to look a certain way and be defined by others’ expectations of what those ways should be.
The following is a small brief into some of the perils of being ethnically ambiguous, I’m sure there are more.
1. It allows you to fit into certain groups that may not always be accepting of you, by the sheer fact of what you look like. Whether by choice or not, others make assumptions about us that allows us to live in the “in between” spaces of ethnicity.
2. You can empathize greatly with others that are also struggling in their belonging but also understand you have listening to do too. Our lived-in experiences are not everyone’s and theirs is not ours. So we must not negate others’ by denying or lifting ours up.
3 It forces you to seek “others”, if you feel unwelcome in your ethnic group- whatever that means to you. Feelings of not being “enough” of whatever the stereotype of the group may be. It can push us to seek acceptance within other groups, without full acceptance of ourselves for that outside validation.
4. It allows for our hearts to either be more open or more closed. Dealing with our own traumatic paths can allows us to crave authentic relationships with others or close ourselves off from those we seek approval from. For some, it takes a few years of internal work and maturity to rectify the situation, for others it may be a lifelong battle.
5. We let others define us. I’ve had the privilege of being thought of as a light-skinned black woman, as a Mexican woman, as some kind of Asian, and most recently as a darker white person. Not through any fault of my own but through others’ assumptions. I used to take to heart what others thought sincerely and it would leave me an emotional wreck. Because of all the things I could be, it didn’t allow me to be me.
So instead of making assumptions, allow spaces for people to be themselves- whatever that may be.
Sometimes growing up and even now, I’ve always had trouble with the question, “What are you?” As a Dominican immigrant child, growing up in a mostly low-income neighborhood full of racialized people from all over, I found the question perplexing. It was often by children, adults knew better- I hope.
But the question made me pause and take into account my stock of all the things I was. My parents were Dominican, I was born in Dominican Republic but we lived in the US now, so was I American? My father told me that outside I was American but inside the house I was Dominican and that further complicated my young brain.
Spanish is my first language and I remember having to go to kindergarten and learn how English. My teacher Mrs. Hammer, was a wonderful puerto-Ricardo woman that was patient and kind. And didn’t make me feel like being bilingual was a bad thing, but something happened when I went to first grade. I somehow passed a test that allowed me to transfer to another school where they tried to change my bilingualism and separate it from my vocabulary by separating the two languages but definitely insinuating one was more important than the other. This had some important effect, the biggest being it forced me to shut into myself. Increasing my longing for introspection and so I was tagged the “shy girl”.
We moved across the country then and had to deal with a few changes. The first, a whole new school system, recently desegregated. Whoo! I had just made the curve so that brown students weren’t all sent to the same schools. Here, we had various issues. My non-gendered name made my paperwork confusing. My parents’ broken English made enrollment complicated, and because of my shyness administration thought I belonged in special education.
After taking some tests, I was enrolled in GATE (Gifted and Talented Education program), sounds like the beginnings of a complex if I know my story, but that’s for another time.
All during middle school, every time I spoke Spanish, I was teased, because of my accent. My cousins in Dominican Republic teased me because I spoke like “una americana” and the people at school thought I spoke Spanish like “una gringa”. I would later come to learn, my accent is the blending of my environments, both ethnically and diversely, I say words that are very Dominican like ‘cambumbo’ along with words I heard others say like ‘carpeta o trucka’.
Me in Middle School, turtle neck and all.
In high school, my activities broadened my horizons but like everyone else I felt awkward and unsure as I made my way in the world. I started letting my curly hair show instead of always straightening it at my tia’s every weekend. This created curiosity about my heritage again. Mexican girls didn’t normally have curly hair, so what kind of Mexican was I? So I went from Mexican to light-skinned mixed girl or black girl, because the one drop rule still applies.
So once again, I was being redefined by others, and not denying them their understanding because technically yes my mother is half-black and my father is white. However, their mixed heritage is something we’ve never fully discussed. I’d always grown up explaining the way I looked like this, “I’m pretty sure, one side of my family owned the other.”
In college, I tried to join the Caribbean Student Association but I soon realized I wasn’t the right kind of Caribbean. So I joined Raices, a latinx group mostly Dominicans that put on a performance every year. There was a moment of pause, however, when I went to the first meeting and they asked,” You’re Dominican?” They had been so taken aback, I started to question the validity of my ethnicity again.
I finally convinced them I had been born on the island but had grown up far removed other Dominicans and had therefore lost my accent, which I thought was interesting considered they had all been born in New York but what did I know of colmado culture then.
Me in University, as part of the AUTV anchor team-yea I was the face of something.
My greatest transition came shortly after I moved to China. Which I was expecting to be different because it’s China, but funny enough it was unexpectedly so. It was the first time where there was genuine curiosity, sometimes blatant racism, and just an overall weirdness to it.
While demonstrating a lesson on family I genuinely shocked my students because I had a white grandmother and a black grandmother and they couldn’t comprehend how I could be a part of both.
A man nearly crashed his moped into oncoming traffic for the need to stare at me. I was hired as an r&b “singer” because they couldn’t find a curvy black girl, so I had to do for the commercial. I was allowed entry into apartment buildings, clubs, festivals and other places not just because I was a foreigner but because I was often mistaken for a white foreigner (not the same experience as some of my black and southeast Asian friends in China).
Even dealings with the police on more than one occasion, left me feeling much less frazzled than if I had been a shade or two darker.
Now living in Montreal, the microaggressions still exist. Maybe for different reasons, sometimes for not looking the part especially now as part of a multicultural family. Who knows? But right now I’m tired of trying to explain others’ behavior, that’s a story for another day.
We can be told a lot about our selves all our lives but it’s up to us to learn how to write our own stories.
Frozen 2 came out last year November 2019, months before the now ever-present Covid-19 pandemic. While we resisted getting Disney+ for a while (mostly for my sake than my daughter’s), we finally gave in around month 2 of the lockdown.
Although we were doing fine with Super Simple Songs and Peppa’s Channel on Youtube, it was the desire to watch Marvel movies that really drew me in (more on that later). After signing up for the service however we started watching the Disney Princesses movies, but it wasn’t until we watched Frozen and the song, “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” was there love.
Now we all know kids movies have messaging for parents that goes way over kids’ heads (sometimes the parents too) but this is why watching Frozen 2 during Covid lockdown hit so close to home.
Spoilers ahead!
If you haven’t watched it I suggest you take a beat and watch it now, otherwise it might be spoiled for you. If you have continue reading and learn how this movie has surpassed all expectations for a Disney movie for me.
1. Representation that matters!
While I love the chanting and mysticism of the Northuldra, some fans were confused, but if you dig a little deeper you’ll find out why representation was important- this time. There is a big plot twist in the movie that’s a bit mature for Disney. Colonization. In order to illustrate the story in its entirety, they included Indigenous music, which according to Toronto News, Disney based off the Samí indigenous people of Scandinavia and Russia. All of this with the caveat that the first Frozen upset quite a few indigenous groups and felt a bit like appropriation, but in order to right wrongs the company signed a contract with indigenous group experts called Verddet in order to respectfully portray the Samí culture on which the Northuldra are based on.
2. Olaf has depth!
So so much depth! He probably has the most poignant lines and most memorable scenes that both crack me up and illuminate the situation in a “don’t take yourself too seriously light”.
“How I wish it would stay this way forever. Alas, fall mocks us with change.”
Olaf
I understand how you feel Olaf, 2020 has sobered so many of us up.
My favorite Olaf quote because it is the story of 2020.
3. Comedy highlights throughout!
Not only does it make sense that this story goes deeper and further into the world of Arendelle. It also illuminates a darker past of colonization, that many countries have embedded in their dark history. Canada included. But it speaks on such a dark topic with bits of humor thrown in. i.e. Olaf, the snowman comedic relief. As he retells the story of the first Frozen to the Arendelle guard and Northuldra that have been locked away in a magical forest.
4. Olaf’s Song “This Will All Make Sense When I am Older”, is gold.
We all assume adults have it together when we are kids. We believed there was a certain switch that happened as soon as we became adults where all of a sudden we knew the why of the world. Guess some of us are still looking, but it’s ok. Maybe it will make sense when I am older.
5. Finding out Elsa and Anna’s mother was Northuldran!
Queen Iduna (yes I had to look up her name because I don’t remember it being mentioned in either film directly), so is the bane of Motherhood. Although learning their mother was not of the same Arendellian background and actually came from the Indigenous tribe, “one of the oldest Northuldran families,” claims a character based on her scarf. By saving and marrying the king of Arendelle, Queen Iduna was able to unify some form of peace and in turn fulfill the prophecy of the “Fifth Element”. Although I’m dying with questions of what happened from when she saved the prince to when they eventually marry. Frozen 3 anyone?
6. Kristoff’s song “Lost in the Woods”, was the 80’s inspired ballad with a reindeer duet I didn’t know I needed.
It made me so nostalgic for a period of music that I was barely alive for and it was adorable to boot. Not only is Kristoff debating how his romantic relationship is turning out with Anna, but he is undoubtedly so nervous at asking her to marry him that he just keeps fumbling again and again. Only to be consoled by his dear friend, Sven. Like Sven says, “You feel what you feel and those feelings are real.”
Elsa does this best as she is going through the Ahtohallan when she is reliving parts of her past. Sneering at Prince Hans, feeling embarrassed over her “Let it Go” moment and coming to grips with the darkest of her family’s secrets. That it was her grandfather, King Runeard, that was responsible for the battle between Arendelle and Northuldra for a very simple reason, greed. This was not your average fairy tale story, this had some bite.
Hafanforever Tumbler
8. Fun facts from Olaf the snowman.
The long ride from Arendelle to the Enchanted Forest, gives Olaf just enough time to annoy everyone with some crazy fun facts, that may not be that accurate, but are still funny in the scene. Like the ones below:
Water has memory. This theory grew prominence in the late 80’s as a theory but was quickly debunked as not having any real science behind it. Although it can reveal some insight into where it has been and what has passed through it depending if it left any particulates behind.
Turtles breathe through their butts! Apparently it’s kind of true, with some species intaking 20% of their oxygen through a rear-end tube called the cloaca.
Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning. Yes, in that the CDC says 5 times more likely but it’s true!
Wombats poop in squares. They really, really do. And its kind of a mystery as to why. Some believe the climate in Australia is so hot and dry, there’s little water, that’s what you get. Others say it may be some kind of territorial thing. Either way Olaf was not wrong!
If you’re interested in learning more about the truths or fiction of Olaf’s mad science check out USA Today: Fact Checking Olaf article.
9. It’s Bechdel test approved.
Disney has a reputation for not really elevating the conversation around feminism and what that entails for their princess movies. The trend has changed in recent years and Frozen is no different, with its diverse cast of characters-ish and looking at the world beyond just looking for a man. It has the potential for being a feminist-approved Disney princess movie.
Get it girl!
If you’re not familiar with the Bechdel test, it’s a means of testing a work of fiction in how it portrays women. Being that there are at least two women that talk to each other about something besides a man. Sometimes the woman having a name is also a requirement.
10. Sisterhood.
As the oldest of three sisters, I love the sister story of Frozen and Frozen 2. It’s one of the reasons I’m a big fan of the franchise. I understand the plight of being the oldest, having responsibilities first and feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. On one hand, Elsa is Queen and she’s trying to do right by her kingdom and on the other keep Anna safe. Anna is trying to come out of her sister’s shadow and in so doing prove she is capable even without magic. In Frozen 2, there are two song that illustrate just how different sisters can really be.
Into the Unknown by Elsa is full of longing for adventure in the world unknown. Not being afraid of taking risk and just following your heart.
What do you want? ‘Cause you’ve been keeping me awake.
Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake? Or are you someone out there who’s a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I’m not where I’m meant to be? Every day’s a little harder as I feel my power grow Don’t you know there’s part of me that longs to go
As the oldest I’ve always had a deep divide between responsibility and living life for myself, knowing that I could make a mistake on my own but I couldn’t shame my family in the process.
There’s a story my father told me when I wanted to go to school in New York, he said that when he went away to college he was strapped for cash and had to change his major from what he wanted, architecture, to something he was good at, accounting. So that he had enough time to study and get a job. If he had stayed with the family he would have been able to study what he wanted. In other words, “If the family has a platano you can share the platano, but if you’re not here than you can’t (very Dominican specific). I still had to be stubborn and couldn’t wait to leave for school on the other side of the country.
Anna also had her own plight in the movie, while Elsa fell too deep into Ahtohallan and froze causing OIaf to disappear in a flurry and Anna to be left truly alone. Younger siblings may relate better to her story and to the fact that Anna goes from bubbly sidekick to deep and sorrowful adult in a quick span.
I won’t look too far ahead It’s too much for me to take But break it down to this next breath, this next step This next choice is one that I can make So I’ll walk through this night Stumbling blindly toward the light And do the next right thing
Her song, “The Next Right Thing” screams of unsureness becoming confidence and even if you don’t know what the next step should be taking one will eventually lead you to where you need to go, giving her the bright idea that saves everyone. No magic needed, on her part.
If you haven’t checked out the movie, I highly recommend it. It might take a sour situation and make it a little better.
If you’ve seen the movie and thought I missed something let me know in the comments below.
Anti-Oppression and Healthcare Inequality hosted by Dwayne Johnson
The Contribution was Unparalleled
If you weren’t online or skipped social media this weekend, you missed an opportunity to watch a concert that spoke to our hearts.
While the event like others was to raise funds, this was no stay at home concert. In fact a lot of the performers presented from areas now accessible with limited openings throughout the world.
Some of the production value of these performances seemed to rival “regular times”, reminding us that there is hope coming. Jennifer Hudson along the river bank in Chicago, Miley Cyrus in Pasadena in an empty stadium and the Love Choir performed from the hills in Santa Clarita.
While this was a feel-good concert, we should also remember the reason as to why the concert was brought together. Johnson says, “Access to Healthcare is a fundamental human right.”
So while there are millions affected around the world with Covid-19, the access to resources has still been trickle-down and those most in need may not have the capabilities to build testing systems like other countries.
A campaign, concert & summit calling on citizens to tackle global injustices by using our collective voice to drive change for everyone, everywhere.
That was the mission for the Global Goal: Unite for our Future. Something near and dear to my heart.
195 countries. That is how far any viable vaccine needs to go in order to help the world. While some of us have had the privilege of working from home, staying at home and being able socially distance there are so many in the world that do not have that luxury.
Vaccines only realize their true power when they are deployed to protect the poorest and most vulnerable.
Dr. Tedros Adhanon Ghebreyesus, WHO Director General
With the help of supporters of the program, countless government organizations and individuals, the fund along with the European Commission was able to coordinate $1.5 Billion in Cash Grants, and $5.4 Billion in loans and guarantees to combat the disproportionate impact of Covid-19. For more information check out Newswire.
We can’t do this as isolated countries or as isolated systems.
Dr. Solelwa Zifumba, TB Survivor and Activist
She’s right. The absolute mass effort needed to mobilize the kind of health care needed in order to combat the unprecedented nature of this pandemic.
Since January, The WHO has been working with researchers, governments and private industries in order to coordinate efforts throughout the world. Whether you agree with their methods or not, they are tasked with helping the distribution between all parties involved. For more information, check out The WHO website.
Youtube.com
My Favorite Top Performances
While the majority of performances were musical, there can be no denying the event was full of speeches and moments of solidarity and thankfulness for medical staff, combating the illness at the front lines.
One of my favorite bits was from Ken Jeong, actor and former medical doctor, who was there to debunk from Covid-19 myths.
No, alcohol consumption does not protect you from the virus. Neither does eating hot peppers.
The best part however, was straight to camera when he said, ” Don’t deny the science.” (I’m assuming you know who you are.)
The performance by the original cast of Hamilton was incredible, my all-time favorite musical.(I burned through that CD). The Roots, playing instruments around the house and Jimmy Fallon, somewhere in the background- I guess.
Top Powerful Performances
2. The program started with Jennifer Hudson singing, “Where Peaceful Waters Flow”, with the backdrop of Chicago while she languidly drifted downstream on a boat. Beautiful.
3. Love Choir sang an acapella rendition of Beyonce’s “Freedom”. Set against the Santa Clarita hills. Gorgeous.
4. Usher, with all his graciousness, had backup dancers and a storytelling license that spoke to the heart. Deep into one’s heart, when his eyes teared up, I was done.
5. King and Country, Tori Kelly and Kirk Franklin sang “Together” inter spliced with images of protestors and Black Lives Matter signs. The imagery alone was powerful.
Most Memorable Speeches
Kerry Washington was brilliant. Reminding us that it is not for ourselves that we must work together but for our children. She asked the poignant question of when your children ask, what did you do? What will your answer be?
Billy Porter was powerful by remembering those that fought for equality before some of us knew what that was. Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, MLK, Marsha Johnson (LGBTQ activist). Because of them, we are able to live a more equitable future, but it doesn’t mean the work is done. There is still much to do.
Salma Hayek, speaking on her experience in delivering vaccination aid to Sierra Leone and the success of vaccination campaigns. What goes into building a worldwide effort to create a decrease of communicable disease. She is right in saying that we have overcome disease before, but that the effort in order to get it done was massive. And it will continue to be again.
Performances Worth Mentioning
6. Shakira performed, “Sale El Sol”, a great hit that reminds me of my youth (before Shakira went blonde). But it was touching to hear a song of hope, through all the chaos.
7. Christine and The Queens, I’ve never heard of this performer but I loved the artistic nature of her performance amidst the backdrop of the empty Grand Palais. Her moves reminded me of Jagger and we all know no one moves like Jagger. 🙂
8. Yeme Alade performed “Shekere”, an uplifting song that had me want to get up out of my seat. If only I knew what the lyrics were saying, but even then it was fun and light. Lovely dance song.
9. Miley Cyrus singing “Help” in that empty stadium was poignant of the times we are living through. Where our ‘new’ normal may not be that normal as such. Who knows when packed stadiums will be a thing any more and if we really think about it- when was the last time a stadium full of people made you feel comfortable? Me?- Never.
10. J’Nai Bridges w/ Gustavo Dudamel, LA Phil & YOLA “Heaven & Whole World In Your Hands” was something I have never seen before. J’Nai singing opera with the philharmonic, some wearing masks, and the rendition replacing He for She. It was pretty epic. I’m not usually an opera fan, but this was beyond beautiful. And that voice!
Mini-Docs Throughout
While most concerts so far have had collages of videos and pictures of front line workers and protests, this one also had mini-documentaries from people working to make their communities better. The storytelling aspect of the overall concert was exceptional.
My favorite was the Dreamcatchers Academy in Lagos, which spoke of how education is deeply impacted by Covid-19 disproportionately affecting impoverished children all over the world. Not everyone has access to online education. That being said, the inspiration of dance as a motivation for learning is clever and having them participate in the J Balvin music video was super cute. Definitely something they can use in their portfolio from now on. If you’re interested in learning more check out their webpage.
There were also plenty of spots for information, scientific information. There is no end to the stories of how vaccines have helped nearly quell pandemics before such as Polio, where it has nearly been eradicated throughout the world.
No one is safe from Covid-19 unless everybody is safe
Dr. Tedros Adhanon Ghebreyesus, WHO Director General
And can I say I am so glad I now live in a country where its leaders can say the following:
If you found the concert moving or you think I missed some of your favorite performances, feel free to let me know below.
The Love That Transcends This Home is Greater Than The Hate Outside of It.
Your Mother
I didn’t know my purpose
I had no idea what I was searching for in life. I was afraid of taking action because I was afraid of the judgement and the pushback for being myself. For wanting the things I wanted.
I didn’t know that when I cried those tears they were fear leaving my body. I thought I was crying because my life, as I had known it was over, but it simply changing.
You will be two soon, and while last year we had the most beautiful blessed family reunion (catered by your grandmother, of course) I have no idea what this year will be like.
Lovingly decorated and created by Grandma, Baby J 2019
I don’t even know where to begin. 2020 will go down in history like a ton of bricks. Our lives upended, our wills tested and our morality at stake.
I had no idea that fear could drive humanity to its breaking point, but is it even there yet?
The world is confusing, battered with hatred and fear-mongering and for some reason, I chose to bring you into the world. Hope may have been reason, but while I was selfish in my motivations and “let life happen” to me; I cannot allow the same to happen to you.
I want to be the kind of role model I wish I had growing up. I want to be the kind of mother I never knew I could be. I want to provide the best way I know how, by living my life truthfully.
I have never been more afraid of what your future will entail because I cannot foresee what kind of future any of us might have. We are living in unprecedented times, where neighbors and allies are not enough. Where being kind is not enough.
I never want you to grow up with fear of persecution or feelings of inadequacy based on what you look like. You share the beautiful history of so many, written into your DNA! All of the world, literally!
I am imbued with the history of Western Europe, Western Africa, North and South America; all written into my skin. Your father as we know, has 5,000 years of history just under the surface (although I’d love to know what else is written in those features). But I want you to never feel ashamed for where you come from, who your ancestors were, what place in society we now have.
You are the product of LOVE!
As unlikely as the two of us seem to be, as different as night and day, we somehow fell in love. You are the product of that love- You are our gift to the world.
But I don’t know how to protect you from it.
From questions like What are you?
When I look at my own internal scars, my pain points, I don’t want them to infect you, but I don’t know how to not let you feel the hurt and pain of the world without exposing you to it. In order to learn we must listen, in order to grow we must fear ourselves head on.
This video from Cut, made me cry so hard. Not because it is our story, but because I can finally name the fear I have for you.
Courtesy of Youtube.com/cut
To be judged for who you are based on what you look like
This year there was a virus that enveloped the world, that originated in China, your father’s place of birth. Because of this, some people used their fear as motivation to attack those that look like your father. He started wearing sunglasses in public, he told me the bright Spring sun hurt his eyes, but I heard the stories of the racist attacks. He was trying to be brave even though he could not control others’ fears and anxieties over something he wasn’t afflicted with.
When I was growing up, I was told I was many things, not all of them nice. So I changed parts of myself so that others would judge me less, the way I spoke, my hair, my Spanish. I don’t want my fears for you to plague the way I raise you, but my story will not be your story.
When I was a child, no one seemed to know where Dominican Republic was, so they called me ‘Mexican’, or in the summer when I darkened and my hair was curly from all the pool shenanigans, they asked if I was mixed. I always thought, Mixed with what? Children will always say things without consequences because of their curiosity and often because they do not have the words of eloquence or euphemism yet, but that doesn’t mean those words don’t hurt as one child to another. But I never told my parents these things. I don’t remember a single incident that I ever told them, would they have understood when even my Latina roots were always called into question.
The first time I shared this, a high school classmate commented on the fact that she’d never seen someone’s DNA story cover so much area, I guess she wasn’t aware of colonization. But I did this for us so we would both know where we come from.
I look the way that I look because of colonization, the slave trade, the pursuit of discovery, adventure, probably pirates and greed, but it’s my story and I have no shame in it. I cannot control the way the past happened, I can only control how I feel about it. No one will ever be made happy because of how other’s treat them but if you know you are, truly, no one can ever take that away from you.
And since your father is the first of his family to leave the country, or so I gather, I can’t wait to do his DNA and find out any hidden truths. But guess what baby girl, you are the world. I’ve got at least 3 continents of history in me and your dad has at least one, 4 out 7 ain’t bad.
In our home, we speak Spanish, Mandarin, and English that’s like 90% of the languages in the world. Outside in Montreal they speak French, which we will both learn eventually. So while the world is hurting right now, contesting things that are pure evil and have been for a while, know this- the love in this home transcends the hate outside of it.
“I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character”.
Martin Luther King, Jr., I have a Dream
That is the only thing that any parent wants and hopes for their child, but it is white parents that are often needed to be reminded of it. Because we, parents of color, are the ones that have to be reminded by others often that we are judged.
Your father has asked me why I didn’t take his name, my tradition not his, and I told him because my name dies with me. I have no brothers to my pass the family name traditionally, and I love my name. But there’s also a part of me that knew if I changed my name to your father’s, I would always have to explain.
Yan, but you don’t look Asian? But how many Filipinos we know with the last name Reyes or Cruz, why? Colonization, people! Get over it! Stop assuming things, stop letting your limited perspective of the world define it, instead acknowledge you don’t know everything and embrace it!
But now Mami is tired, her soul is wringed out like the laundry. Her story spent.
There is so much more I want and need to tell you, but it will have to wait just a little while longer.
From birth to adulthood, parents the world over want to create better for their children. Sometimes it seems more difficult than we think. Sometimes what we feel is best for them, we find they may disagree with later.
We are currently living through moments of civil unrest and children may not be able to process the information before them. If, like me, you are a parent that struggles yourself with the state of the world, it can be daunting to help your child process what they see. That doesn’t mean that we should simply ignore it. While my child is currently too young to have discussions on institutionalized racism and the myths of race, colorism, the historical systemic racism that is found in most countries (let’s be honest), that doesn’t mean we can’t help her see the world through inclusive eyes.
Although it definitely feels different in the US, especially with this current string of protests and activism and support from the greater community. But like many will tell you, we have been here before. Many times.
So where do we go from here? While outside, policy changes are needed to rectify the situation there are things you can do in your home in order to raise children that are more aware. So I’ve pulled together some resources that might be helpful.
In the end, we must lead by example. Our children learn from us what is acceptable in the world and what is not. If we keep them from our conversations, how will they learn?
We need more diverse books! Period. Exclamation mark!
A list of resources for those looking for diverse materials for adults and children from We Need Diverse Books.
We all know when they happen, that awkward moment that feels as if we don’t grab it could slip through our fingers never to be seen again. If this feels like that for you then this may be the opportunity you need to talk to your child about the “why’s” and “who’s” and “what’s”. We may not have the exact right words and that’s the point, parenthood is not perfect but bringing awareness to something we may feel inclined to let pass us by, makes our children also think.
If the conversation makes you feel awkward and unsure, that’s ok. Parents are allowed to not have the answer to everything, but at least trying to engage with your child at their level is a start.
Rebecca Bigler, Professor Emeritus of Psychology and Gender Studies at UT College, where her research focuses on racial stereotyping and gender role development in children as well as gender neutral language, states that children learn about race much younger than we think they do. Which is why these conversations are important from an early age.
We can be our childrens’ moral compasses by leading and walking in step with values and morals that embrace diversity, allow for conversations on change and promote understanding.
Snapped this on a run this early morning in Montreal, Canada
When it’s not enough
Sometimes things happen in life that make you pause. Make you wonder at the existence of it all, and where we stand as a people or as individuals. I cannot begin to understand the perspective of those on the line, risking their health to fight for what they believe in and to protest for the justice of it all. But I see them, I am with them in solidarity and I deeply respect their need to be heard without fail.
One of my favorite podcasts, What A Day, explained it best.
They speak about not only the protests, but also the reasons behind what some people are doing to help in other ways. If you’re interested in donating to these funds, click on the links below.
We can try. We assume it’s just like what happened to us, but slightly different. We can realize that tragedy is unevenly distributed and in constant rotation, but it’s never going to be the same.
But just because we can’t imagine–it doesn’t mean we can’t care. We can refuse to magnify our differences and focus on maximizing possibility, justice and connection instead. To take action and to dig in.
Just because you are not black doesn’t mean you can’t empathize, you can’t turn around, get your head out of the sand and look- really look at the people involved. The fathers, the mothers, the sons, and the daughters that are seeking reform.
Killer Mike on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Killer Mike recapping his speech in Atlanta on Friday on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
He says to join a #grassroots organization and help communities because we don’t have to do it alone. And we shouldn’t.
The Movement for Black Lives, a community organizer for black political power to influence national and local agendas.
The Next Level Boys Academy, helping male youth in Atlanta in troubling times and mentoring parent-son relationships.
All of the organizations have a specific function but he wants people to join something. So that work on a weekly basis can continue, locally and nationally, but be a part of something that speaks to you.
Another what he calls homework is to spend an hour learning from Jane Elliot Youtube videos of which there are plenty.
Find her recent interview with Jimmy Fallon below and listen to her words.
Jane Elliot interview with Jimmy Fallon
Sioux Prayer she mentions:
“Oh Great Spirit, keep me from ever judging a man until I have walked a mile in his moccasins.”
If you’re not familiar with her work, Jane Elliot first taught the “blue-eyed and brown eyed” social experiment to a bunch of third graders and she has now been teaching it for over 50 years, and people still struggle with the idea of injustice.
Interactions with the police have increasingly grown violent and enough is enough. We cannot simply ignore the state of affairs of the world at this time. We need to work with those creating change and support them because we need to be allied for reform.
Another great organization that is looking to do just that is Campaign Zero, that looks at police reform and uses data-driven analysis in order to come up with policy changes for our current times.
Over 1,000 people are killed by police every year in America. We are calling on local, state, and federal lawmakers to take immediate action to adopt data-driven policy solutions to end this violence and hold police accountable.
We need to continue support each other, share stories and remember dignity and respect are basic human rights. A person’s skin color should never detract from that.
Terrence Floyd, George Floyd’s brother said, “Let’s do this another way. Let’s stop thinking our voice don’t matter and vote. Not just for the president…educate yourself and know who you’re voting for. And that’s how we’re going to hit ’em.”
There’s no excuse for police brutality in any case but we also need to remember true systemic change comes from voicing your opinion, turning it into action and working to create change from within.
Barack Obama wrote on Twitter, “As millions of people across the country take to the streets and raise their voices in response to the killing of George Floyd and the ongoing problem of unequal justice, I’ve heard many ask how we can sustain momentum to bring about real change.”
If we want to bring about real change than the choice isn’t between protests and politics. We have to do both.
These are children, without the learned behaviors we place upon them. The reasons for these hugs are irrelevant- we just need them.
The above video made me cry so much, after seeing the countless tweets, videos, pictures full of hatred, violence, and heart-wrenching injustice. I don’t know the answers but the conversation needs to happen, the action needs to happen. We need to not just acknowledge the pain anymore. We need to do something about it. For our children and their future.
If you’re interested in how you can help with the voting efforts in the US check out:
Vote Save America, a platform for information on “Adopt A State”, details on one’s own elections, and much more…
Whether you love the feel of paper in your hands or the convenience of an e-reader, we are all reading more these days. Out of boredom or because we’ve hit the bottom of streaming services, we’re reaching out for more content. What better way than the story, conjuring our imagination and learning to again embrace the quiet.
While finding time to read with a toddler around can be difficult, I need it. I love a good read, something that can pull me in and make me want to leave the world behind. There’s nothing better than being engrossed in a great story. I forgot how much I missed it, having read mostly “for work” or reading articles, even listening to books on tape didn’t have the same feel.
I love love love this series! I can’t wait for the next one!
Reasons why I love this series:
The main character is a badass, she just doesn’t know it. And you discover it with her.
Romance is not the point. I love a good romance, as much as the next person but sometimes a character is created that it’s not about the other people in their lives, it’s about them.
The diversity within the story, not only the characters, but the setting, the world of fantasy- it’s so eloquently written and so fantastical in a slow-burn kind of way that pulls you in and doesn’t let go.
It’s the kind of book that makes me wish I’d read something like it when I was younger, highly influential and yearning for characters that were different and strong, especially as women of color. It made me hope my daughter would one day read it and internalize her strength.
Why Sunbolt Gave Me All the Feels
I am a protect of the world I grew up in, for better or for worse, and while it was mostly better you can always find worse. I was nerdy before it was cool, but I was so shy and reserved I had no idea that it was ok to be yourself.
I am often envious of today’s youth that have grown up in a world that allows for whatever makes them them to be out into the world. No judgement. Or lots of judgment, if online bullying is to say anything about it. But what happens, when they come out on the other side? They are braver and more aware than I ever was at that age. I’ve met some of those young people and I am always amazed.
But by society changing and accepting norms that even with my generation took until after high school, to “come out” for fear of being ridiculed or persecuted or even losing someone because of it. I still struggle with feelings of insecurity and constantly questioning “Am I doing this right?”
Who knows, maybe if I’d read more books like Sunbolt, life would have taken a different route.
So to all the girls, or anyone that needs to hear it. You are not alone.
To all the Hitomis and girls that struggle with their own magic, don’t let anyone keep you hidden in the dark. Shine brightly.
Hitomi’s story continues and her adventure takes place through more secrets untold in part two of the Sunbolt Chronicles, Memories of Ash.
And if you are interested in learning more about the author Intisar Khanani check out her website. Where she says she’s writing mighty girls and diverse worlds- and I absolutely applaud her for doing so. We need more of both.
*This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link!*
I’m a huge fan of late night, the snarky commentary, the bite-sized news, and of course the guests (it’s the best way to keep up with pop culture without doing the heavy lifting).
This week or last, not really sure anymore on an episode of A Late Show with Stephen Colbert, he and his wife mentioned a woman named Suleika while talking to their friend John Baptiste, on her project Isolation Journals.
I immediately had to look it up, and while I already have 6000+ emails in my inbox (don’t judge), I loved the concept so much I had to sign up. Along with 80,000 others.
Premise: A 10-15 minute journaling prompt emailed to your inbox every day of quarantine. Love it!
Create a time capsule of the past month. What has this time meant for you? And more…
The last month has been interesting to say the least. I spent the last month at home with my husband, child and mother-in-law. Lots of fun to be had by all, tons in fact. Now the real version.
It was hard. Hard to stay upbeat and hard to stay chill. I envied those in isolation alone, no one to bother them. We only walked outside once a week on our weekly trip to the market, lugging heavy bags back for a week’s worth of food (sometimes a bit more). Those Saturdays were torture on my back and shoulders. While waiting in line, wearing face masks and gloves, staying 2m away from others and washing before and upon leaving and is this now normal?
We ate pretty much the same, except I did try my hand at baking for the first time ever. I expanded my repertoire from no-bake cookies or pre-made to made from scratch corn bread and chewy chocolate chip cookies. I also made pierogis, like that was a thing I was looking for. So maybe time at home left to our own devices was a good thing, I guess.
The things I’ve struggled with have been simply being a parent. How do you keep a 22 month old occupied all day and not just play tv all day. Is there irreparable damage that I was doing to my child? Not allowing for outside play? Not going to nursery? Not going to arts and crafts class with other kids? Is there a ripple effect that has yet to be found in our children? Are we creating loners and homebodies? Will 2020 be a defining moment in their lives? In all of our lives?
I was already trying to work remotely, freelancing and consulting on my own, but with this pandemic and so many losing their jobs, did the competition blow me out of the water? I no longer had the option of dropping my child off in order to work on projects and branding, and while still-employed were given the at-home option what hope is there for the looking for employment? And what effects in the long-term will there be? Businesses that employ people with any sort of in-person customer service or sales have been shuttered, what will that do to consumer trust when things re-open? All of these rippling topics filtered through my waking and sleeping mind.
Things I’d rather forget were the fickle arguments, time spent stressing over what to do with my time, and time spent wondering what I could be doing outside instead of what I could be doing on the inside. We still have plenty of options even while stuck at home. Playing with my child should be a delight, not a chore. Still having someone employed in our house should be a moment of gratefulness, not envy.
The first time we took our daughter outside was like watching a kid see the world for the first time. She wasn’t interested in other people or the sound of traffic. She played in the light. She stretched her legs, she chased a squirrel and she wanted to walk across the street on her own (definitely didn’t let her). Now we go for daily walks, if the weather holds, just up and down our block mindful of passersby. Nothing brings me more joy.
I hope that when times change we will remember what was important. Life was hectic, it involved not talking to each other except for evenings and weekends. We spent too much time on our devices with less quality face-to-face. And we always had our ability to move onto the next thing be our salvation, whether it was work or friends and even country.
I am a person that loves change, prepped and ready for it change, but this was on no one’s list of “must do’s “. But while circumstances have changed that doesn’t mean your purpose has to.
There are things I want to accomplish and get done. My business, my phd and my family don’t have to compete for my attention. They can all share in my life, always remembering that at the end, family should come first.
I’m not anyone’s mom, I’m her mom. I’m not anyone’s wife, I’m his wife. We’re not perfect, we’re sometimes not even very good, but we love fiercely with great passion and we genuinely like each other, not because we are family but because we do. We just have to remember to respect each other, keep from saying hurtful things and love with judgement- for all of our sakes.
Opposite But The Same 