The Culture of Apologizing I Want to Get Away From

I thought about the way I let my anxiety and grief for the life I am living fuel a previous blog post. I thought about issuing an apology instead of letting myself feel and accept my feelings in that moment. That is what I felt. That’s why I wrote what I did.

I am not an insta-mom. I may never be, but the constant mom-shaming hit a nerve when I had already had my fill. It’s not on purpose we do it, but it’s often times our own inadequate selves that remind us of the raw nerves we leave exposed for others to pester. 

These are our pressure points, the things we fear others knowing about ourselves because they would immediately create a reaction, both negative and severe. We are nothing if not complicated and faulty human beings. 

But why do we do it to ourselves? Why do feel ill prepared to confront our demons in mature, rational ways and instead take to the often cryptic social media posts? Even going down the social media rabbit hole can create feelings of dissatisfaction and even depression for some or does it?

Last July the journal JAMA published Association of Screen Time and Depression in Adolescence, a study looking at the effects of social media and screen time on depression in adolescents. Conclusive proof? No. While there were differences between longer usage, it was less than a point 1 difference on a 28-point scale. But countless research has been done and there is a correlation even if there is no causation. Everyone’s relationship with social media is different.

Is it a way to feel connected? Wondering if there are others out there dealing with the same worries and delusions of grandeur? Do we internalize social anxiety and create undue stress according our own insecurities? So many questions!

Why is it often easier to speak with strangers than friends for fear of judgement?

Why do we fear to be judged? The roots of social anxiety?

What is Social Anxiety, according to webmd:

  • Being judged by others in social situations
  • Being embarrassed or humiliated — and showing it by blushing, sweating, or shaking
  • Accidentally offending someone
  • Being the center of attention

I don’t have social anxiety, yet. I’m an ambivert and can manage the situation but I do act differently when I feel the signs of social anxiety, sometimes counter to what I would normally do. I ‘give in’ or go the path of least resistance because I’ve been negatively affected by being raised in a “traditional” background. As some people might say it’s a trigger.

With quarantine continuing strong, we are really starting to feel it. It’s now more important than ever to tap your social circles, keep-up-to-date with those you may have fallen out of the loop with, and continue to make connections. Keep connecting with people that you may have been too nervous to contact before, it’s a perfect time. If nothing else, you know they will get the email.

No one has any idea what quarantine will do to our mental health, not really. Like a collective trauma we must all endure it’s something we need to deal with because the reality is that life must go on.

So learn those coping strategies, meditate, exercise, repeat those mantras that may have felt silly before. We need to infuse positivity! It is the only way we will keep our head above water and not follow others into the negativity rabbit hole.

I’m not a medical professional but if you do require the services of one, don’t be afraid to reach out to them. No one will judge you for it.

Published by JSantana

Obsessed with Intentional Inclusivity and Fierce Belonging. Delivering Culture-Driven Leaders.

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