The festivities are over as small as they were, it was still nice. And as much as I wish we could be in my parents house and let my mother bear the brunt of holiday cheer, it was my turn. And it wasn’t until I watched my daughter in her first holiday show, virtually (of course), where in the comfort of my own home, two thoughts occurred to me.
I am now one of those gushing parents I thought I’d never be and how much the pandemic has affected every part of our lives, but especially hers. She was only a year and a half when the pandemic started. She went from a bubbly curious child to one that is ever-so-careful, doesn’t speak outside of our home (I don’t know if it’s from her only having 3 adults in her life consistently for almost two years) and reserved child that while she was present at the show seemed out of place in it as well.
I thought to myself I hope this isn’t permanent, but how would we ever know?
We’ve been so careful this entire time and just recently had our first Covid scare. We tested negative but it was weird at how quickly we went back to our “normal” routine instead of pouring bleach over everything- which was the original plan once upon a time.
This period has had so many highs and lows, I get why people feel the fatigue but my husband reminds me, We don’t want to trip at the finish line right before we cross it.
When I saw my daughter who at home, wakes up singing, love to dance and couldn’t display that same fervor in front of her classmates, I started crying. Big, fat tears that just poured out of me. It was just a well of emotion I hadn’t processed now was I ready for.
Since then I’ve learned of a breathing exercise that should help next time I feel the pang of the pandemic or motherly pride or some combination, therein. This breathing technique is so simple yet can help lower our blood pressure and trigger the body’s relaxation response, simply by halving the rate at which we breathe.
The breath is such a beautiful thing that while it feeds every part of ourselves when we are too excited or anxious and when we constrict it, we lose its full potential. Learning to cope by breathing, as a person with anxious-tendencies has been a journey- one that continues to inspire and teach me that through breathing I’m capable of much more.
So get out there and breathe!
Yours in kind,